Random Life Post

So, I am the type of person that random thoughts pop in my head. Lots of times they are funny thoughts, some worthy of a script for SNL. I am huge SNL fan. Well, some of the stuff is not funny but some is and just thinking of it makes me laugh. I have been on spring break this week and I have had many of these moments of laughter. It is weird to everyone around me, though; they stare at me while I laugh and smile. I like to watch people and think and I have had plenty of time to do that here.

Today I was caught off guard while we were shopping when a big, not funny thought popped in my head. It is a thought that I've had several times over the past few months and it isn't very friendly. I see all of these people buying all of this (overpriced) stuff and instead of taking pride in the consumerism that is taking place, it makes me sick. We work so hard to get stuff that will break, or get holes in, and then we keep working to buy more stuff to replace the stuff that has broken. It's like a circle of almost reaching this happiness that is silently guaranteed once we amass all of this stuff. Yet, no one tells you that once you get that certain amount of stuff, new stuff is required to reach the unreachable happiness. Lately God has been grabbing hold of my heart and not letting go until I respond. This seems good, until I was in the middle of Tanger outlet mall with friends who were buying stuff and I have a passion rising inside of me to do something. I don't really know what to do. I don't want to live a worthless life filled with stuff that will never satisfy the yearning I have in the deepest parts of me to do something more but I don't want to become a renegade renouncing everything I have been taught. I do want to get a good job to provide for myself but how much do I need? There are other people who I live life with who have unmet needs. Do I sit back and become a selfish person, saving money to buy the next big thing, to buy only the best. Or do I make sacrifices for the people I live life with?

The life I want to live is one of love. I don't just want to love people emotionally but physically. Isaiah 58 has become the cry of my heart lately. It says

"They come to the Temple every day and seem delighted to learn all about me. They act like a righteous nation that would never abandon the laws of its God. They ask me to take action on their behalf, pretending they want to be near me. 'We have fasted before you!' they say, 'Why aren't you impressed? We have been very hard on ourselves, and you don't even notice it!' 'I will tell you why!' I respond. 'It's because you are fasting to please yourselves.'...This kind of fasting will never get you anywhere with me. You humble yourselves by going through the motions of penance, bowing your heads like reeds bending in the wind. You dress in burlap and cover yourselves with ashes. Is that what you call fasting? Do you really think this will please the Lord? No, this is the fasting that I want: Free those that are falsely imprisoned; lighten the burden of those who work for you. Let the oppressed go free, and remove the chains that bind people. Share your food with the hungry, and give shelter to the homeless, Give clothes to those who need them, and do not hide from relatives who need your help"

I am seeking to live a life with gravity, one that will please God. I have a feeling the life I have pictured with a white picket fence, spending every penny I have on myself is not a life that will please God. My father wants me to love people, to stop seeking Him to make myself feel good.

This thought that I have been struggling with makes me feel very alone sometimes but I know that God is working in other people's lives too. I know that even if I am alone, I will still turn to the Lord for strength, even though it is hard not to depend on other people.

So, Thank you Lord for interrupting my Spring Break.