A Change of Heart

Over the last year and a half God has been changing my heart like no other time in my life. The catalyst was a call to obedience in one area of my life. Obeying God in that one, rather difficult area, began a slow change of my heart. I realized my heart changed this summer when I began to respond differently to situations. My life began to no longer be about me, but about my Savior (although I am still selfish). I guess fully submitting to God's will and purpose for your life takes time, lets say about 11 years. It took some time for what I knew (my purpose is to declare the Word of the Lord as truth) to reach my heart and reign in every area of my life.

So, as the Christmas season is all around me, I have been thinking a lot. As is tradition with my friends and family, we drive around and look at lights. Everything is so beautiful this time of year and I think about the dreams I had when I was a kid. I always wanted a beautiful white plantation house with a red door and lots of pecan trees on the property. But as I drive to look at lights, I find that is not where my heart is anymore. It's weird that the American dream is not alluring to me. My mind is screaming at my heart "what's going on?! This is what you've always wanted, a good education, a good husband, a good job, a house full of kids, the perfectly decorated house with all the right toys!!!" Those thoughts break my heart. It's not what I want anymore. I want what God wants, the end, that's it. I'm not sure what that will be in my life but I don't think it is the typical American dream.

My parents keep asking me about my future and it's hard for me to explain to them that my future is not planned. I may or may not live here, I may or may not marry (although I more than anything would like someone to walk through life with as a partner in ministry), I may or may not live in a big house with everything money can buy. I don't think that is what they want for me. I think all they want is for me to be happy and safe. But happiness and safety are not guaranteed for my life either. As for now, I cannot imagine not following the will of God in my life. I don't think anything else will satisfy me fully.

A great day!

Friday, December 4, 2009 was a close to a perfect day. Not only was it the last day of classes until January, IT SNOWED!!! Although it was not an abundance of snow, it was enough to put my apartment in a frenzy and drive us all outside to frolic. We were like children, it was so much fun. Above is our "family"Christmas picture, featuring cold weather in December and SNOW!!!

Along with snow, I got to enjoy Twilight for the first time. I am still not sure what I think of it (the was it was produced is a little odd) but I had fun watching it with my friends. I also got to enjoy a hot cup of apple cider, yumm.

One of the best parts was being able to finish The Atonement Child, a fantastic Francine Rivers book. I am not much of a reader for pleasure but I really enjoy Francine Rivers' writing. I also enjoy cuddling up with a book on a cold day, ahhh so perfect!

Now, back to the joys of finals week!

Thankfulness

As the week of Thanksgiving draws to a close, I stand in awe of my God. I wouldn't call myself an unthankful person but I have been more thankful than usual lately. I have amazing friends and family, an amazing job and an amazing pupose for my life and I recognize those things often. However, I lost my Papaw almost two weeks ago and I am more emotional than I thought I would be about it. My Papaw was a good person, he set an example of Godliness for all of his children and my dad has continued to set that example for me and my sister. For that, I am thankful. I am thankful for the life my Papaw lead and for the legacy he left for my family.

It's funny how thankfulness expresses itself in our lives. For me, it has been shocking. I don't think I cry alot, or regularly. I am a movie crier, and if someone is around me crying, you can expect to see tears on my face. However, I do not just sit and cry. I usually try to mentally avoid those situations, distract myself from thinking about things that make me cry. Recently, however, I have sat and cried. I sat in awe of my God; in tears at His feet. I have never before been more thankful for the cross than I was at my Papaw's funeral. I am thankful that my Papaw's suffering ended and he immediately tasted the promise of the cross. Isn't that glorious?! Suffering happens, and we brush it off and learn from it. We dry up our tears, get some Shout for the stains on our knees (from being on our knees infront of God) and we learn.

I am thankful for suffering! It brings joy to my heart because I know that my God is in control of all things and that He allows me to suffer because He loves me. But, more importantly, I may have tears and sadness because my Papaw is not on this earth anymore, but I am joyful that he is with his Father in Heaven!