My summer was great! I was stretched and molded and I'm not quite sure where that leaves me now. I have been back in Louisiana for almost two weeks. In those two weeks, I have been incredibly busy. I was overwhelmed with everything that I was doing. Going back and forth between my parent's house and my apartment, doing school work, scheduling appointments and tests. Now, things are manageable. I have barely had time to reflect on my life for the past two months so, I'm doing it now!
When I started working at the Vine I didn't feel anything amazing. I felt loneliness at times, but I expected that because I am used to being around people 24/7. I didn't feel this huge sense of "bigness" or like I was super holy. It just felt normal. Now, it is not everyday that I get to hang out with 5 or 6 pregnant girls who have more problems than I can imagine but the basic love I was showing was normal. My schedule changed but God called me to the same purpose. This summer, for me, was not about God showing me a different way of living or telling me I need to make a drastic change in my life; He already told me that a year ago. This summer was confirmation that whether I am in Georgia with pregnant girls who are wounded or in Louisiana with college students who are wounded I have the same purpose: love. At first, I was very confused. I kept asking God to show me why I was in Savannah. I was really getting frustrated that I was not having some huge revelation that would change the world, or my life. But I did!! It is so simple and I have been told this ever since I became a Christian, LOVE!
What did love look like this summer? I played a mom, checking chores, teaching girls how to cook, hugging, hand holding, disciplining etc. I played a big sister, having silly moments with the girls, playing games, watching movies, etc. I played a counselor and prayer warrior, praying with the girls at night, talking about the hard stuff that I didn't have answers to, praying and crying out to God for him to rescue the girls from their situations. Oh the tears I cried for these girls.
What was the result of my time? There were no salvations, very few Gospel presentations and they were definitely not the straightforward "here is Jesus, this is what he did, ok, congrats, you're saved!" moments. I cried and prayed for these girls and God began to change their attitudes. They did their chores without complaining (sometimes), they ate food on a regular basis (oh, what a story to tell!), they worked a little bit harder in school and work. God is grabbing a hold of their hearts, just not in a "feed the five thousand" way but more of a "woman at the well" way. These girls have believed so many lies about who they are. They believe they are stupid, worthless, ugly, fat, and easy. The Vine's job is to love the truth into them. Whether it was through consistently doing chores well, learning math, or telling them over and over again "you are beautiful" we fought against those lies every day. The scripture I clung to for encouragement was Isaiah 61. It is a promise that God will restore these girls: "He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed." God can free these girls from the lies they believe. The fight inside of them was apparent. They would be doing so good and all of a sudden do something that shocked me. I learned that changing the way you view yourself is not a fast and easy process.
I was humbled many times this summer. I thought "I will help these girls"; then I realized I had nothing to offer them. I had no wisdom for their situation, my only advice was to turn to God; which I had to also follow. I surrendered pride I didn't know I had this summer.
So, I'm back. I experienced the same weird feeling coming home as I did going to Savannah. I just came back, there was no overflowing of emotions and I didn't experience much homesickness. I knew I was leaving, I packed my things, shed a few tears and came home. Considering how emotional I have been lately this was not what I expected to feel. But, I am ready for my senior year of college! I have a feeling it will be great and I am expecting God to do big things!
